


A Full Bottle

by isnt_that_wizard



Series: Lams One-Shots [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex works for GWash, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, It's still fluffy I promise, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, One Shot, Use of anxiety meds, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 08:18:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8742124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isnt_that_wizard/pseuds/isnt_that_wizard
Summary: John Laurens' boyfriend, Alexander Hamilton, has been on medication for anxiety for years, but lately, it doesn't seem to be helping. When John finds out why, he decides to talk to Alexander.





	

  John let the silence of the apartment consume him. When living with the talkative Alexander Hamilton, silence was a well appreciated thing. Don't get him wrong; living with Alex wasn't great. John loved his boyfriend very much. However, sometimes it was just too much. 

  John was home most days; he was a med student and most classes were online. Alexander was home when he could be, which wasn't very often. Alex worked himself to death at Washington Law Firm. When Alex was home, he rarely slept, only ate what John forced him to, and just talked and wrote non-stop. 

  With no major class work needing done, John took his laptop, opening it to start looking over their bills for that month. Normally, the job would be passed to Alex, but he was so swamped at work lately that John knew his boyfriend would forget to do it. 

  John winced when he saw the fees. Their electricity bill was higher than normal due to Alexander's non-existent sleep schedule. The money spent on groceries and take-out was lower. As John scrolled through, simply looking them over first, he noticed that one bill was missing. He scrolled back up to see if he'd just passed it by. 

  No, he didn't miss it. He couldn't have. It wasn't there. It should've been; they paid the same amount every three months, and this marked the 3rd month. 

  "That's strange. . . Why didn't we pay for Alexander's medication?" John asked himself in a mumble. He stood, closing the lid of the laptop. 

  Alexander has been on medication for anxiety for all four years that John has known him. After Alex's mother died when he was 12, and after his home was destroyed by a hurricane when he was 17, Alexander had been scarred for life. Not one storm went by without Alex having some level of a panic attack. When he was too stessed, John would sometimes find Alexander crying for hours.

  Loud, sudden noises made him flinch. Every time John saw this, or saw that Alexander was shaky, John would gently take his hand. Alexander never wanted too much contact, so after trial and error, John found how to give Alexander just enough comfort without Alex feeling as if he was suffocating. It had become such a habit that Alexander would take John's hand automatically.

  John walked across the bedroom and quickly turned into the bathroom. John opened the mirror to the medicine cabinet. He rarely ever went in; he kept a bottle of pain meds in his bedside drawer. A translucent yellow bottle held the pills of Alexander's medication. The only problem was that the bottle was full.

   Maybe only a few pills had been taken. John stared at the bottle, his blood running cold. How had he not noticed? Alex had been flinching more, talking at a faster pace and going on longer rants, and his panic attack from last week had been longer than typical. Alexander hadn't been taking his medication. 

  John gently shut the mirror, letting out a deep breath. Alex would be home in a few hours. John would have to talk to him. 

\---------------------------------

  John found himself doing nothing until Alex was home. He sat in a chair, thinking, chewing his nails- a habit he'd never fully kicked-, and worrying. How long had Alex been off his meds? Why wasn't he taking them? Why didn't he tell John?

  Alexander came home in his usual frenzy. Speeding in through he door, he didn't even shout a greeting before his rant started. 

  "John?! Are you home? I know I'm a little later than usual. It was that goddamn Thomas Jefferson- oh, I could kill that man! Virginia this, Virginia that! Anyway, I told Washington I'd write something up for him, so I may be busy for a while." 

  When Alex finally paused for a breath, John slowly pushed himself up, walking to the kitchen where he knew Alexander would be. Sure enough, he sat at the table, already deep into more work, papers scattered, and mumbles of which John could make out one or two words.

  "Hey, Alexander?" 

  John received no response. 

  "Alex, honey, can I talk to you?"

  "John, I told you, I have work."

  John sat down in the chair across from him, his eyes pleading. 

  "Babe, put down the pen. Please? It's important." John's voice was gentle and desperate, and upon hearing it, Alex looked up. 

  Opening and closing his mouth a few times in hesitation, Alexander said, "O-okay, sure." 

  John looked down at the table for a few seconds before looking back up to Alexander's confused eyes.

  "I was going through our bills today."

  Alexander's face drained ever so slightly, as if he could sense what was coming.

  "There. . . There wasn't a charge for a new prescription, s-so I checked and. . . Baby, you're not taking your meds. There's an almost full bottle in there. W-Why aren't you taking them?"

  Alex glued his eyes to the papers on the table. John heard a shaky breath leave him and saw his fists clench. Alexander's long black hair hung on each side of his head. John wanted to push it back, but he knew the contact wouldn't be good for Alex. 

  "I'm just worried about you," John whispered, moving his hand across the table palm up in case Alexander wanted to take it. Rather than completely holding his hand, Alex moved just enough that their fingers brushed against each other. 

  "Th-they changed my pre-prescription 6 months ago, and the, um, the-the doctor s-said I'd get used to 'em, b-but I, um, I never did, s-so I just stopped. I gave- I gave up." 

  "What do you mean you never got used to them?" John asked as quietly and gently as he could.

  "Th-they made me just- just so s-sad all the time, and I- I. . . It never went away af-after 3 months. Th-they made me th-think of my mom and I- I just, I-" Alexander cut himself off with a sob.

  "Oh, Alex. . ." John's heart shattered at his boyfriend's words. "Honey, why didn't you tell me?"

  "I didn't wan-want you t-t-to be mad at me or think that I was we-weak."

  "Alexander Hamilton, I could never think you were weak. You're the strongest person I know, baby. And I could never be mad over this. I completely understand. If the pills are making you depressed, then I'm just worried about you."

  Alexander's hand had moved so it was fully engulfed in John's. Alex's grip was tight, but John didn't even notice, too busy trying to calm the tears streaming down his boyfriend's face. 

  "Alex, you don't have to if you don't want, but can you look at me? Only if you want to."

  Alexander barely even hesitated before meeting John's eyes. He looked broken. His eyes red and puffy, his cheeks stained with dried tears. 

  "Soon, you and I are going to go to the doctor's, and we're gonna fix this.We'll work it out so your back on your old meds, or something new again, okay? It'll be all right. I love you, and I promise we'll figure this out."

  Alexander gave a single, shaky nod. Releasing John's hand, Alex stood. John expected him to go off to their bedroom, where he usually would after a panic attack, but instead, Alexander walked around the table to John and sat down in his lap. Slowly, so Alex could stop him if needed, John put his arms around Alex. 

  "I love you, too, John. Thank you."

  "Of course, hon. Let's just rest for the night, huh? Work can wait."

Alexander, who had rested his head on John's shoulder, face buried in hid neck, nodded. As one of his arms wrapped around John's neck, John placed a gentle kiss to his silky black hair. 

  "I love you so, so much, Alex. So, so much." 


End file.
